Where do I go from here?

WARNING!

WARNING!

WARNING!

This could be depressing.

{Don't say I didn't warn you, okay?}

I am stuffed right now.

Just ate Thai food.

[Lots of it]

In the past 7 days I have partaken of:

Costa Vida

McDonalds

Jack in the Box (X 2)

Thai Food Corner

Panda Express

Chick-fil-a

Olive Garden

Do I just seem like a gal with a death wish to you??

In addition to the above mentioned unmentionables....

*I got a flu shot today (I guess I'd rather die of diabetes than the flu)

*I spent $200 on diabetes supplies and meds including insulin, test strips, lancets, and insulin pen needles.

{But I don't really take any of it very often}

I am sick.  I know.

Go figure.

I also committed to hiking Havasupai in March. 

And I want to.

Really!

What is my problem?

I have also invested in a few more good self help/diet books.

What I really need is a "shadow"....

Someone to follow me around and

MAKE ME MAKE GOOD CHOICES!

Oh yeah.

Guess I have that already.

*Hubby who begs and pleads and is sick of trying.

(Have I mentioned I'm not nice at all when he trys to be helpful?)

*Daughter who writes me notes and keeps asking me..

"Did you take your medicine, Mom?"

*Frustrated and confused friends all around me...

who just can't figure out why I don't care.

*Mom who loses sleep over me...

and can tell I just don't want to even talk about it.

I CARE. 

I DO.

I guess I am a product of my very unhealthy relationship with food.

Where do I go from here?

It's a new day!

Yep!

It's a new day!

Back from camping and a great Fall Break with the kids!

Time to think about important stuff again!

Goals for Today:

Take all meds and shots.

Take blood sugar at least 5 times.

Get scheduled for diabetes education/meet with registered dietician.

Exercise at least 30 minutes.

DO NOT LET DISCOURAGEMENT TAKE OVER TODAY.

{One day at a time.}

That's what I am going to have to focus on.

Okay.  Here we go, day.

Mediocre, at best!

Okay.

Lets focus on the

{POSITIVE}

I walked tonight with Glen for an hour!

It's almost tomorrow, and I can start a new day!

I definitely could have eaten more than I did!

[Even though I ate more than my fair share of calories...to be sure!]

I am concious of it. 

I have a desire to be better.

I am a slow learner!

{UGH}

Good nite! 

Reality sets in.....

Woke up during the night with a fair amount of anxiety. 
Stupid worry.
Layed awake for an hour.
Finallly got up at 3:30, and went downstairs.

Yep.  You guessed it. 
{I ate}
1/2 bagel and a banana

Was up til after 4.

Now I am depressed about eating.
Sitting here feeling like I have a green light to blow the rest of the day!

But I shouldn't. 

But I want to.

Ate a little more....feelin' a little better....

Just checked and had only consumed 900 calories.  That's not enough to fuel my body.  Ate another 1/2 cup steel cut oats with a tablespoon of raisins.

I think I'll live now. 

Finishing my day with 3 shots completed so far...and about to do the 4th.

Took Omega 3 fish oil too!

Total Calories....just over 1100.

Yay Me!

One long day down.....lots more long days to go!

Just got back from a walk with the husband.  He's the best.  He is just so relieved to see me caring once again.  He's on the wagon too, and I know that will do nothing but help!

I definitely did not eat enough food today.  This is how it always is.....day one I am so careful to not over do, that I almost don't do at all!

But, I had a great turkey burger for dinner, with sliced potatoes fried in Pam, and some green beans.
For lunch, 2 iron kids slices of bread with small peanut butter and 1/2 banana
Breakfast:  Steel cut oats with the mini est! box of raisins known to man!

I am hungry right this very minute.

Ugh.

It's only 7:15 p.m.

Sometimes it's just easier to go to bed and sleep off the hunger than stay awake and endure it.

But, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that if feels good!
Just one day of control, and it feels good!

I'll take it!

One small step for me...one giant step for my health!

Took fasting blood sugar:  336

Took Fish oil, Apidra shot....and
most importantly...
cooked steel cut oats for myself and the girls for breakfast!

They weren't that excited to try it, but really liked it!!!!

Good thing I'm really the only person who's reading this, because no one will really care, but I did something right...and that matters to me.

In fact, everyday matters.

Monday.....Here we go?

It's Monday morning.  I am turning over a new leaf (again), right?

Ugh.

Why do I just not want to do this?

I woke up during the night and made a concious decision not to eat.

One step in the right direction...

Now it's morning.

Fall Break for the kids. 

I want to fix waffles with strawberries and whip cream!

Or Egg McMuffins!

French Toast dripping in butter and powdered sugar.

But I don't trust myself to not eat it.

So I won't fix it today.

The kids are victims of my bad relationship with food I guess.

I have like 15 reminders on my phone related to my diabetes.

It's so easy to just push the "Dismiss" button.

That's kind of symbolic, actually.

"Dismiss" is what I have been doing for years when it comes to my health.

Time for a change.

I'm going in right now to take my bloodsugar, my shot, and directly after that I am going to eat a healthy breakfast.

Yep.  That's what I am going to do.

Do I have "character"?

"Character is the ability to carry out a decision, long after the emotion of making that decision has passed."
Hyrum Smith (Franklin Covey)

"If pain and sorrow and total punishment immediately followed the doing of evil, no soul would repeat a misdeed.  If joy and peace and rewards were instantaneously given the doer of good, there could be no evil--all would do good and not because of the rightness of doing good.  

There would be no test of strength, no development of character, no growth of powers, no free agency.....

There would also be an absence of joy, success, resurrection, eternal life, and godhood."

Spencer W. Kimball

Experimenting with the Blog!

I think I really like my blog posts to be big!

Mom! You have a blog???!!!

Oh my gosh.
I have spent my whole day (the Sabbath, mind you),
mind racing,
thinking of all of the things I want to post on my blog.

This afternoon I share that I had a blog with Lexee (daughter).

She says, "Oh! Mom!  You have a blog?! 

Next question.....
"How many followers do you have?"

Right. 

"None, sweetie.  I'm not planning to have followers.  It's just, well, for me!"

She's so not impressed!

"What are you gonna have a blog for, if you're not going to have followers?????"

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..........................
Beats the heck out of me!

Triathlon 2008

What is the world coming to???

Here it is.....my first ever blog posting!
Unbelievable. I know.
I fought against facebook, and finally gave in.
Love it.
And now....I am officially a blogger.
What is the world coming to?